How Learning to Love Myself Rocked My World

My eating disorder wasn’t killing me but the chronic focus on self-loathing was killing my spirit. At 26, I had a spiritual awakening that changed my life. I was locking the door to my apartment and as always, the negative self-talk I now call the “Itty Bitty Committee” was yapping away. “What if you remain 180 pounds for the rest of your life?” This time a loving voice chimed in, “Yes, what if you could never lose or gain another pound again? How would you live your life?” The shudder of truth rippled through my body.

I opened my door, put my scale in the hallway with a note, “Take this scale. It works. Just not for me.” I then wrote a Weight List: Things I will do “Once I’m Thin.”

1) Wear colors other than black
2) Audition whether I think I’m “ready” (code word for perfect)
3) Buy and wear a bathing suit
4) Flirt with guys

One by one these items tumbled out of my mind and on to the page, and one by one I did those things, and one by one, the excuses I was using to put my life on hold fell by the wayside. I lost 30 pounds and have kept it off ever since.

Did I have setbacks? Absolutely! Still dealing with the last 15 pounds? You bet ya! What permanently shifted was the need to punish myself with food.

This was a gift, to be nurtured and practiced on a daily basis. I have since created the 4 C’s to stay on track with self-love:

Curiosity-Shift from Criticism to Curiosity. Curiosity is expansive and invites healing. Criticism is contractive and invites more of the same.
When I’m hurting I stop, breathe, close my eyes, put my hand on my hurt, and see that hurt part as an upset child that needs compassion. Sometimes a simple “Ouch!” shifts my energy.
Creativity is the gateway to one’s imagination.
Reach out to others who are committed to cultivating self-love.

I have the honor of being part of a full day I Love Myself Event (virtually) with Joanna Lindenbaum on May 22nd. I hope you’ll join me. To learn more about her upcoming program and to register, please visit: